The Million Dollar Baby

It seems that everyone and their brother are now putting up "Million Dollar Home Pages". But screw that - why would you pay all that advertising money to a site that only promises to run your ad for 10 years?

My unique new advertising program is guaranteed to be displayed on my child's body for the rest of her life (or the age of consent, should she eventually decide she no longer wishes to be covered in advertisements).

How does it work? Simple. You send me your print-ready ad, and using my patent-pending process, the ad will be transferred indelibly into the skin of her torso, back, and arms.

With just one initial low investment, your ad will run for at least 18 years. Think about it - Over the course of a lifetime, an average person will be seen by millions of people. With the publicity generated by my new revolutionary new ad model, my daughter could easily increase her visibility - and yours - a hundredfold.

The possibilities are endless. Your ads are guaranteed to draw attention wherever she goes - School, parks, playgrounds, even the beach and tanning salons!

Don't wait - sign up now to reserve your ad space. Choice locations are going fast, so get yours locked in today!

I placed a 20 mm x 40mm ad, and within a week my site had more visitors and my floor traffic doubled! No one could believe I would do that to a baby! Thanks UR for this fantastic advertising opportunity!
- JR, Dallas TX

My website was really suffering. I had tried everything: pixel advertising on million dollar web pages, bumvertising, you name it. But nothing worked until I bought an ad on this baby!
- R. Hauer, New Brunswick NJ

Are you insane? You can't do that to a baby! If I ever find you, I'll make sure you get locked up for good.
- B. Skinner, Susquehanna PA

Placing an ad is easy. Simply contact me using the link above, and I will email you a Torso Map Grid (TMG). This diagram will show all available space on my daughter's body. Simply mark off the free areas on the TMG you wish to purchase, and return it along with your print-ready ad. I will scale the ad as necessary and transfer it to her body once your check has cleared the bank.

Once the ad is placed, you will receive an email confirmation and a photograph showing your completed ad.

1. No refunds or exchanges. Due to the permanent nature of this process, we are unable to refund your money for any reason.
2. Your ad may not contain any invitation for the user to "click here" or any other such variation - "poke me", "tune in Tokyo", etc.
3. It is recommended that your ad be designed to take into account natural growth patterns so that your graphics do not become overly distorted over time.

If you're ready to place your "living advertisement" on my million dollar baby, just fill out this simple contact form and I'll be in touch with you as soon as possible.